God is Good

God is Good.
All the time!
All the time.
God is Good!

One of my favorite litanies. Maybe because it is so straightforward. It is this simple, straight message that I need to hear, and cling to, in the valleys. I have had the incredible blessing of a life in which I have experienced this, in a touchable way, over and over again. So, even in the valleys, when I don't see how God could work it out, I know that God could. Now, my life is often a study in developing the faith to let go and rest in this message. (Not coincidentally, I am sure, a great blogger commented on this topic during the very week that I needed to hear it: Don't pare down the promise!)

On the other hand, I don't think we can be completely passive in troubling circumstances. I don't mean, exactly, "God helps those who help themselves." But sometimes, I find that it requires my stewing about the problem for a while first to allow me to fully recognize God's provision at the right time. Today, I am adding another of these situations to my personal testimony.

My previous post (Learning to live with uncertainty) laid out (in gruesome detail) my worries over getting the best possible medical care for this new baby. Perhaps the most relevant part of that post is that I was beyond prayer - too afraid of God's answers. But I did send the link to just a few dear friends and asked them to read it and intercede on our behalf in prayer. Then, I set about "stewing" (or looking for my own answers, really).

One long evening, in which I stayed up way too late with Google, turning up about 15 relevant or semi-relevant articles dealing with NAIT in the medical journals . I was looking for data to support the treatment plan that was being suggested to me, and I didn't find it, to my satisfaction. So, that left me feeling no less settled.

I was also looking to make a list of authors, and found that just two doctors in New York showed up as a co-author on about 90% of those papers. Thus, I concluded that if I was going to have an outside consult, I wanted to see one of those two (Dr. Bussel or Dr. Berkowitz). Now, neither of these were the one being suggested by my discouraging consult here in town, two weeks ago, with Dr. W. So, I had already abandoned that plan, and had spent the past week stewing about my upcoming check-up with my primary OB, Dr. R.. She is pretty unexcitable, yet always willing to order a test or procedure. I was trying to develop the ultimate 5-minute pitch, so that in my 15-minute prenatal check-up, I could convince her to get me a referral to one of the NYC docs. I didn't really expect to be successful, so I was also trying to figure out how contact one of these docs on my own, prepared to pay out-of-pocket if they would just agree to talk to me.

The day before this visit with Dr. R, I had a follow-up ultrasound with the maternal-fetal medicine clinic (home of Dr. Z and Dr. W who had already given me the unsatisfying suggestions). As far as I knew it was only an ultrasound, but afterwards, I got escorted to a room and asked to wait for a doctor. This clinic has four doctors, and each visit, you randomly get whomever is free when you are. Today, on our third visit, we met our third doctor, Dr. F. Praise be to God!

I was a bit nervous as we began, since she said she had been reviewing my chart with the notes from the other 2 docs, including his offer of a consult with Houston. (I had already determined this would be pointless since he said he had already talked to this doc in Houston, his buddy, so I pretty much had already had that second opinion, for better or worse.) But, Dr. F then asked me "Do you have any questions for me today?" It seemed a bit strange. Nothing could have changed since my visit 2 weeks earlier, when I got Dr. W's advice, which she had just read, right? But, when she asked for questions, she sounded like she meant it.

So I dared to ask her about my treatment plan, and said I had some concerns about it. Then, she pretty much volunteered exactly what I wanted. She said, "Yes, I am fairly new in this practice, but I have treated this condition a few times in my past practice, and I always recommend a consult with Dr. Berkowitz in NYC - he writes the papers and knows more than anyone else. If anyone has a better treatment idea, he will." Well, of course, Dr. Berkowitz was one of my two names, so I practically cried with joy when she said this. I could hear God's joyful laughter ringing in my head. I sometimes think he surprises us with these kinds of answers to prayer just because he so delights in it. "Nice job figuring out how to solve your own problems, dear. Now that you are stuck, you will better recognize my provision of the perfect solution, won't you?" I worry that this quote might sound wrong in writing. I don't imagine God speaking with the slightest tone of condescension or scolding. Just pure delight in being able to give us good gifts. 


So now, helpful, wonderful Dr. F is making the arrangements. I am merely waiting hopefully for the details of that consult. I am trying to keep my expectations reasonable - it may still be that no one will be able to determine the risks because the testing is just not available, but at least I will now be able to feel like I have done everything that I can do to make a good decision.

Praise to God.
All the time, God is good.