"In a tizzy"

How quickly you can throw our lives upside down. All my plans for productivity today went awry. I started well - a celebratory jog. But I found myself worrying the whole time, stopping every 5 minutes to check my heart rate. Back home, I paced, waiting for the kids to be occupied. Then, the phone calls began.

First, to my OB. Told the whole story to the receptionist: "I am pregnant. I have two previous ectopic pregnancies, so Dr. Rinzler likes me to have an early ultrasound. Can you schedule that?" [Hold on while I transfer you.] Told the whold story again to the scheduler. [Umm, did you talk to a nurse who authorized the ultrasound?] "No, the receptionist transferred me directly to you." [Okay, let's schedule your first two prenatal appointments, then I will transfer you to the nurse.] Told the whole story to the nurse. Got instructions to get my labwork done.

Hopped in car to get labwork done. Took Maggie along for her long overdue labwork, too. (She weathered the needlestick better than I feared - just one large, silent tear slipped down her cheek.) Back home, waited for kids to clear out again. Phoned the dentist to reschedule filling from next week to next 2nd trimester.

Now I am starving, and with that comes the nausea. Lunch, lunch, lunch. What would be safe? I won't take a chance on the slightly old deli meat. Need protein. Don't forget veggies. Settled for a slice of leftover homemade pizza with a pile of tabouleh salad and a side of carrot-raisin salad. Felt virtuous if not exactly full.

Suddenly, feeling the effects of lying awake from 3- 5 AM today. I stretch out on the couch and sleep nearly 2 hours. Interrupted by Maggie (twice) wanting me to read to her and John (once) wanting to lay next to me and roll over continuously like a steam roller. Slept on through, like a champion.

Dinnertime arrives and I find I have done nothing but dream of you, smile dumbly to myself, pace in circles. Ah, dearest baby, you are months away and we are already behind in preparing for you. Still, I can't seem to feel anything but silly joy. I don't feel 37 years old today; I feel 17 again. Soon enough, I will have to get back to the realities of my life, but for just a few days now, I will bask in this moment.

I love you , baby.