My OB seems to have settled on a due date of February 10, 2011. I have to pause now and then to marvel at the wonder of God's perfect timing. Christians (myself included) often pay lip service to this, but it is usually in the tone of a platitude, trying to make ourself feel better as we impotently attempt to console a hurting friend. "God's timing is not our own but it is always perfect." Yeah, who ever really wants to hear that when they are still waiting? But it is for just this reason that I think we must note, and treasure up in our hearts, examples of this perfect timing. For we are weak, and need concrete crutches to strengthen our faith.
Would I have ever picked this due date if it were up to me? I can't imagine yes. I have 3 summer babies. Again, not exactly my timing choices, but it did work out well.
With Maggie, I actually was back at work within 2 weeks, but it was okay. In that case, I was ready. And it never occurred to me to try anything different. There was no maternity leave policy in place at work. I was still untenured and nervous about asking for a leave. Plus, with my job-share arrangement, I was pretty sure that the only leave option would be for Jeremy to cover for me. I thought spending more time alone at home post-partum was scarier than a few hours a week at the office teaching a familiar course, with lots of work brought home and done near the kids.
With James and John, I had a summer for maternity leave and was ready for work in the fall. These June births were easy, and an obvious choice. So a mid-winter birth would not have occurred to me if the planning were left to me.
But now I understand all the pieces in retrospect. Back in early spring, as the teaching schedules for the upcoming year were being arranged, I was surprised to see that for the first time ever, I was being heavy-loaded in the fall semester (8.5 credits vs. a full-time load of 9-10) but with almost no duties in the spring (2 credits). I considered asking for a more even distribution, but then decided I liked the assigned courses and it would be workable.
Now I find myself with a due date less than 2 weeks into the spring semester. Obviously not a convenient one to teach. Since John was born, the college has newly adopted a maternity leave policy so I went to look it up. Turns out that based on my position, due date, etc., I get exactly 2 credits of medical leave. So, I can take off the entire spring semester, clean, with no loss of income. That is not a plan I could ever have worked out in advance. (Okay, maybe if I were still 23 and naive enough to think that I could actually "plan" when a baby comes, I might have thought of it. I long ago learned that is out of my control.) This baby wasn't even a glimmer yet when all these plans had to be fixed.
Of course, nothing is ever quite so easy. I still have a research project that needs attention through the spring, particularly with a hoped for grant-application in mid-March. But I have wonderful, understanding collaborators. If it doesn't work, they will forgive me. I still have the prospect of an extremely busy fall semester, in which I will have to juggle the additional time constraints of medical appointments and pregnancy fatigue. There is still the prospect of a late-pregnancy complication (bed-rest? early delivery?) that would interfere with my January term teaching duties.
But I find myself unable to worry about any of this, really. It isn't just a case of pregnancy hormones keeping me relaxed, I think. I finally understand that this baby's timing is all in God's care. My worries are irrelevant - they won't change a thing. For once, I am going to let go, sit back, and enjoy watching God work this one out.
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